"So then, brothers, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs -- heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him." (Romans 8:12-17 ESV)I find myself continuing to struggle to become more like Christ. In my most honest moments, I admit that I am, in my deepest self, selfish and proud. I want my way. Life my way. Others to be, act and live how I wish. Circumstances to suit me. My dreams to come true. My vision of the ideal to become reality. Me, my, mine -- it's all about me!
How ugly it is to read over that. Uglier to admit how true it is. It's our fundamental human state -- our natural human state, that is.
Thanks be to God that he rescues us from that! Not in one instant. Not completely. But he does move us out from ourselves and toward him and then toward others. Through the presence of his Holy Spirit, God nudges and cajoles us. He squeezes and bends us, stretches and squashes us through the circumstances and experiences of our daily lives to make us less like ourselves and more like Christ.
Our transformation, like most transformations of any kind, is achieved through painful and difficult experiences. Like the birth of a baby, we must endure some trauma and challenge before emerging on the other side in the likeness of our creator.
The older I get the more I wonder about my transformation into the likeness of Christ. I seem to become more aware of how unlike him I am and I struggle to see that I am making progress. Sometimes I backslide. Praise God, he is patient and merciful towards me. He does not often visit upon me the consequences I deserve. And, so, I struggle on. It is a gritty, embarrassing, but determined struggle. Because God loves me, I strive to please him. Though I often come up short, I want to love him more and better, to please him and make him proud of me: a stubborn, selfish, prideful adopted son.
Father, (thank you for making me your child) I know I am unworthy of your care much less your love. I disappoint you so often and in so many ways. I test your patience by my willfulness and your mercy by my defiance. Please continue to forgive me and be patient with me. Continue to believe in me. Keep your faith in me as I depend on my faith in you -- that you love me and that you always will.
You are mine. I am yours. Thank you.
Amen.
