I Wonder

As Christians, we strive to live up to the example of Jesus. He's our model. Our standard.

We never do, of course -- meet the standard. We fall short. And whether some of us arguably come up shorter than others doesn't matter. We're all sinners and only saved by grace, not by works lest any of us should boast.

As our existence is all about relationships -- ours with God, ours with one another. Relationships is one of the greatest areas of difficulty and of shortcoming in our lives.

We're all guilty. We all fail in relationships from time to time. Thankfully, most of us have relationships that can and do survive failure. They endure hurts. Sometimes, our relationships grow stronger despite failures and hurts.

When I'm alone in the quiet, I wonder how Jesus would relate to me were he with my physically. I wonder how he would treat me. Would he condemn me? Would he be embarrassed that I call myself by his name? Would he deny me? Would he be kind to me? Would he show me love and extend to me fellowship regardless what others may say?

The Bible tells us how Jesus treated the outcasts of his day. The tax collectors, the adulterers, the poor and the diseased. It also tells us how he treated the proud and the self-righteous, the judgmental and the oppressive.

Can we treat one another as Jesus treated others? Is it possible for us through His spirit that is in us?

Jesus told us to follow his example. Would he tell us to do that if it were impossible?

A big difference I find in myself and Jesus is the way in which we attempt to influence others to change. All too often I try by telling someone how they are wrong, destructive or deficient. Sometimes I become passive-aggressive. Occasionally I wait until I can take no more and then I explode in righteous indignation.

I've watched others try guilt or shame to influence someone to change. Perhaps even worse is when we turn our backs on someone until and unless they change...we disassociate with them, perhaps even encourage others to do the same.

Jesus didn't do any of that, did he? He showed people unconditional love and respect. The only people he was harsh with and did not treat with respect were those who not only denied him, but opposed him and did so in the name of God his father. When he confronted those whom the community condemned a "sinner" he reached out to them in fellowship. He ate with tax collectors. He allowed a sinful woman to wash his feet. He welcomed known "sinners" to travel with him and minister to his physical needs. His example was more about caring for the person than about their actions...particularly those in their past! He focused on the heart and not the deeds. Jesus modeled to us that the way to reach people and to influence them to turn their hearts to God is to love and respect them.

His first words to Zacchaeus: "Zacchaeus, come down at once. I must stay at your house today." (Luke 19:5, NRLV) Not "Sinner, repent and be baptised!"

His words to the adulterous woman caught in the act and brought to him for judgement: "Hasn't anyone found you guilty?...Then I don't find you guilty either....Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 7: 10,11) Not "You've sinned and you're going to hell unless you repent."

To the woman at the well who'd had five husbands and was living with a man out of marriage, Jesus violated multiple religious and cultural taboos and spoke to her in public. He engaged her as someone worthy and revealed the saving truth of his identity to her. He did not condemn her or lecture her. He showed her what she needed to accept, not what she needed to reject.

Don't misunderstand. Jesus' will for all of these people was that they live lives honoring and obedient to God. He wanted them to seek him with all of their hearts, without reservation, without condition. But he knew (and he left a lesson for us) that we are created to be loved and respected...in the image of God whom, above all else, we were created to love and respect. Jesus worked to reach hearts first and minds second. We (I) tend to reverse that order. And usually with predictable results.

So, can we follow Jesus' example and reach out to "sinners" and outcasts? Can we associate with them in public and focus on their hearts rather than their reputations, social status or how we think doing so will affect opinions of ourselves? Are we willing to invest ourselves, our time and our energy to learn and connect with people's hearts before we try to change their minds or their behaviors? Will we see people as unique, priceless creations of the same God who created us and whom he loves as much as us, rather than label them as part of some group and stereotype them accordingly?

I have to believe that Jesus wants us to. And I'm convinced he's ready and willing -- and eager -- to help us.

Do we even want him to? Will we ask him to? Will we allow him to?

I wonder.

Paths Unpredictable

Have you ever wondered how on earth you got where you are? If you've lived much life at all, I strongly suspect you have. Seldom does life go as we once expected. Sometimes it goes better, sometimes not. But God seems to delight in showing the folly of our wisdom simply by not letting things turn out where, much less how, we planned.

The predicted path of my life was to lead to social and career success. Marriage. Fatherhood. Church and community service. I would live and die an honest, steady, and respected man. In every way I would live what, in this part of the world, is recognized as a traditional life.

The path of my life so far is as follows:

Social and career success. Marriage. Fatherhood. Church and community service. Honesty. Steadiness. Respect. A traditional life. As expected. Yet not.

My marriage failed. I finally admitted to myself and a few others that I am gay. I live a discrete life with my partner, Josh. My family knows about me and, while they don't shun or shame me because of it, it's not discussed and they, so far, don't invite me to include Josh in family functions.

My kids don't know about me or about Josh and me. They know Josh and deeply love him. He's like their favorite uncle. The feelings are very mutual.

The kids and I continue to attend the church we attended before the separation. It's a conservative mainline Protestant congregation where the sinner is loved but homosexuality is clearly not. Needless-to-say, it's not the best fit for me, but, with my divorce pending and my living arrangements still temporary, I'm loathe to introduce more change into the kids' lives.

Nor am I "out" at work. Being a family man for over 10 years and a Christian, people, naturally, make many assumptions about me. It's the label thing again. They assume I'm straight as straight can be. That I'm the stereotypical conservative gentleman that would give no moral quarter to anything outside the region's prevailing conservative values.

So, life right now is a balance. Between being honest with myself and others about myself without making disclosures that would serve only to hurt my family and associations.

This current location in life is no where I would have predicted. But here I am. It's no where I would have sought to travel. But it's where, by combination of my decisions and God's work, I have arrived.

And, it's okay. Not always pleasant. In fact, my divorce has been very distressing and wearying; much more so than necessary, but, thankfully, not as bad as possible. And my current lifestyle, between worlds, in both but not completely part of either, is uneasy. And, of course, my relationship with Josh -- wonderful, the most intimate and rich relationship I've ever enjoyed -- is constrained. We're unable to associate freely in public, unable to fully share one another's lives. Of course, that's par for the course for many if not most gays. (There are those fortunate few who live in communities that allow them the freedom to live without fear of recrimination or discrimination.)

So how is your life going? As expected? Or, as mine, are you finding your life going in directions and taking you places you never imagined?

While our life paths often take the unexpected turn, I, and I hope you, are not without confidence and joy in the journey. No matter where the path leads -- whether to the predicted or to the utterly surprising and sometimes foreign -- there is comfort and confidence in knowing that God is wherever I find myself and that He loves me and is actively shaping every circumstance for my good.

So surprise me away, Lord. Take me from the path I know and on which I'm comfortable and lead me down the path unknown and hidden. Take me to places unfamiliar. Show me sights unseen. Delight me in your presence and provision. And as I yield to your direction, make me a delight to you.

Extraordinary Friends, Extraordinary Gifts

For whatever reason, I've never been one to have lots of friends. Oh, I know a lot of people. And I'm known by many more. But I can count the close friends I've had in my life on one hand. Fortunately, I now have the best friend I've ever had.

Josh is an exceptional person. Generous and giving to a fault. One of the things I most admire about him -- his amazing gift of giving to others financially, in service, in companionship, in encouragement and support -- is one of my greatest deficiencies. While Josh unconsciously recognizes and zeros-in on the needs and desires of another, I naturally focus on myself. I have to work at putting others first. Josh has done it so well for so long, it's now his nature.

His gift extols a price. Financially, physically, emotionally and mentally. How he does for others all he does I simply cannot figure out. It seems humanly impossible to me. And maybe that's the key.

As a Christian, I believe that God has a purpose and plan for each of us. And that he gives us each one or more extraordinary gifts to use according to his plan. While our gift(s) may not start out as extraordinary, if we use them as intended, God develops and grows the gift(s) until it truly does become extraordinary -- supernatural, if you will.

That's why Josh can give to others in ways I cannot.

While Josh's giving exacts a cost to him, I am witness to the fact that he receives much more in return. The joy and contentment that is his when he knows he's made a difference in the life of another -- what price can be put on that? While I am sometimes concerned that he gives too much and that he neglects himself and does not say "no" when I think he should, I stand in awe of the gift God has given Josh and how powerfully it is manifested through Josh's faithful stewardship.

Josh is as good a friend as he is a giver. That's because a second extraordinary gift he possesses is loyalty. I could tell you story after tragic story of the sacrifices Josh has made and the trials he has endured for the sake of our relationship. Suffice it to say, he's a great friend. As I said above, my best ever and my life partner.

Josh inspires me to want to be a better giver and a better friend. He lifts me up and is truly a blessing from above. I pray I may be blessed with him for many, many years to come.

Father, thank you for the extraordinary qualities you possess and see fit to so graciously share with us. Thank you for the gifts of giving and loyalty that I and so many others enjoy so much in Josh. Bless him for using his gifts for the benefit of others and your glory alone. Reveal to each of us the extraordinary gifts you've given us. Help us to use them according to your plan. And in so doing, make us extraordinary friends to others.